This interview means the world to me. I’ve watched it a gazillion times and it changes me each time.
"Hey, I’m Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance, this is NME.com.
The most emotional, you know - it actually happens more often than people probably think. I have some - it can happen literally five or six times on a tour - I had a lot of moments on Projekt Rev. - on Projekt Revolution in the States with Linkin Park - which was to me the best tour for a lot of reasons. A couple of ‘em being like really discovering yourself and your band again and remembering what it is that made you special in the first place, feeling like you have something to prove, meeting the woman that I was going to marry; like all these factors made every single show - like, all that stuff went through my head every day on stage and I had some very intense moments. I had moments of just breaking lights, throwing things, making bold claims - I really missed making bold claims - ‘who’s better than us?’ Like, like I’d be standing in front of a spark shower yelling, ‘yo, who’s better than us?’ Because right at that moment that’s what I felt like, who’s better than us right now? Uhm, making all kinds of teenage boys take their shirts off and swing them over their head like animals; I had a really crazy time. I think at one point I said - a loader had said…I was backstage and a loader…I was stretching and warming up and some local loader said, ‘hey look it’s David Cassidy,’ [laughing] and it kind of bummed me out and then I was on stage and I was explaining to the crowd that a loader had said, ‘hey look it’s David Cassidy,’ and my answer to the crowd was basically that the big difference between me and David Cassidy is I suck way more dick than David Cassidy. So the shows went something like that everyday, they were fun.
I went to Japan not thinking I was coming back. That was our first trip there; this is right before I got clean and as the story’s kind of gone you know, I got on that plane and I packed real light. I was so addicted to self-destruction I think more than the drugs - something very romantic about it - and I didn’t pack anything. I packed show clothes and they smelled awful, I smelled like I lived on the streets. And uh, I - I - I really thought I was going to die, I thought I wasn’t coming back.
Honestly, just good old fashioned depression you know but heightened by alcohol dependency and narcotic abuse. I mean, everybody gets depressed, it’s totally normal. At the time I didn’t realize that, I thought I was really sick and I was self-medicating and then the medicine stopped working and I really thought - I really did think I was going to die.
I think it’s something that everybody goes through and that’s not to belittle the fact that some people have it worse than others and some people can’t get out of bed; I think that exists and I think it’s very serious but I notice a lot of people think they can solve their problems with anti-depressants and that I’ve noticed being a bigger issue. Like it really strips people of who they are; like, all your quirks and all your problems - even your depressions and your failures - that’s what makes you you and there’s a lot of drugs out there that’ll take that away from you.
I won’t even - I won’t take anything; I barely take NyQuil when I’m sick. I remember everything, I remember every single moment of the last three and a half years - everything.
That’s real interesting…uh, fifteen year old me? I think…I don’t know, I’d like to think that a fifteen year old me would think of…I was a pretty angry fifteen year old so probably disappointed that I’d softened up quite a bit and grown up. I hung onto that for quite some time into my early twenties - being kind of angry about nothing. So I think the fifteen year old me would be disappointed in that aspect but I think he would be very happy in other aspects of knowing that everything’s going to be okay. That I will go on to make something of myself; I think that was my biggest fear when I was fifteen - that I was going to be some sort of like, failure or stuck being invisible and not making an impact. Especially you know, like meeting somebody you love more than anything in the world and want to get married; I think a fifteen year old me would never think that possible - so I think that he’d be happy knowing that it works out in the end.”
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